Family Dispute Arises as Grandparents Attempt to Impose an Outdated Beauty Standard on Their Young Granddaughter in Spite of the Parents’ Disapproval

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Mar 14, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

What characteristics define a woman? Clothes? Name? Perhaps the way she carried herself? A woman's external attributes do not define her. What makes any modern woman amazing is that she can express her personality in whatever way she chooses.

The story below is an account of a frustrated mother. The original poster (OP) feels pressured to get her daughter's ears pierced by her parents.  For years, they had been bothering her about this issue. However, things took a turn for the worse when the young child's grandparents gave her a pair of earrings as a birthday present. OP initially attempted to reason with her parents, explaining that femininity may take on various forms, but they wouldn't listen or compromise.

Having said that, read the story below to learn what happened between OP and her parents and whether or not she gave in to their outdated perspective! After you're done, read the story of a freeloading boyfriend who scolds his girlfriend's sister for leaving period-covered underwear on her OWN bathroom floor!

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    My stepmother has been pestering me about piercing my daughter's ears since she was born. There's always a different reason why. First, it was because "people wouldn't know she was a girl if we didn't", then it turned into "she'll get jealous of her friends", and so on. But she always makes the point that girls need to have their ears pierced.
    via Canva
  • 02
    AITA for telling my father and stepmother that I'll exchange the gift they bought for my daughter?
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 03
    My daughter is turning 5 later this month. We have a trip coming up, so we decided to have her birthday party last Saturday instead. When we got home after the party, we helped our daughter open her gifts. The only ones she didn't open were the ones we realized were jewelry or clothing (she doesn't care about those, only the
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 04
    toys), which me and my husband opened without her. Those were gifted mostly by family members. The jewelry department mainly consisted of necklaces and bracelets. The sole exception was a pair of earrings, gifted by my father and his wife. My daughter's ears aren't pierced. We didn't pierce them when she was born,
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 05
    nor do we intend to do so anytime soon. We want to let her decide whether she wants to, and she's never expressed any interest. So me and my husband already knew we'd be exchanging the earrings. Usually, we don't tell people we're exchanging a gift they bought for us. This time is different.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 06
    My stepmother has been pestering me about piercing my daughter's ears since she was born. There's always a different reason why. First, it was because "people wouldn't know she was a girl if we didn't", then it turned into "she'll get jealous of her friends", and so on. But she always makes the point that girls need to have their ears pierced.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 07
    She brings it up almost every time we see her. My father usually doesn't comment on it, but has backed her up a few times. Also, my stepmother's never complained about my older son's appearance, so I know this is rooted in sism. When my father called us the next day to ask what we thought of the earrings,
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 08
    I told him they looked nice. My stepmother joined in and asked, "So you're getting her ears pierced?" I tried to dodge the question, but she later asked it again. So I told them no. I looked at the store's website and found a matching necklace, which we'll exchange the earrings for. There's a price difference, but I'll cover it.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 09
    Well, they weren't happy. Apparently, my stepmother started crying. My father told me off for thinking about exchanging a "thoughtful gift" he bought for his granddaughter, and said it was wrong of me to dismiss my stepmother's opinion like that. In return, I told them I couldn't take her insistence anymore, and she needed to stop obsessing over my daughter's ears. It escalated into a fight.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 10
    My husband, while 100% on my side otherwise, thinks I didn't need to tell them. AITA? EDIT: The party took place at a kids party venue, not at our home. We're not from the US, and it's not common to open gifts in front of guests around here.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 11
    Tangerine_Bouquet 19 hr. ago Supreme Court Just- s [108] NTA. Honestly, I'd never let them babysit your daughter unsupervised because of that level of insistence. Your stepmother pushed. This is a more than reasonable boundary to hold: No, you will not be piercing your daughter's ears. It wasn't a gift, it was an attempted manipulation.
    via u/Tangerine_Bouquet
  • 12
    Even if it were his side of the family, your husband would be out of line here. This is an example of needing to tell them that the gift was inappropriate--because they knew full well it was!
    via u/Tangerine_Bouquet
  • 13
    BulbasaurRanch • 19 hr. ago Supreme Court Just- NTA [110] It's ridiculous they tried to manipulate their bizarre desire to pierce your daughters ears by gifting you this. They knew what they were trying, and don't like being called out on it.
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
  • 14
    It's not their kid, so they don't get to decide anything about parenting it. Get your step mother a gift she can't use and see how she likes it. Tell her you think she needs to take up scuba diving, and get her a dive mask. All gifts going forward are
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
  • 15
    things she can't use, and when she questions it you can tell her that it's a thoughtful gift and you've decided she needs to get into scuba diving.
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
  • 16
    Peony-Pony 19 hr. ago A ole Aficionado [14] How are pierced earrings for someone without pierced ears a thoughtful gift? NTA
    via u/Peony-Pony
  • 17
    DERSO Aly88Snts 17 hr. ago • Honestly the most thoughtLESS gift. Something the child can't even use. NTA!
    via u/Aly88Snts
  • 18
    owls_and_cardinals · 19 hr. ago Professor Emeritass [86] LOL what a joke, super NTA. It's hard to believe - yet I believe it - that your dad and stepmom would think they should use a gift-giving opportunity for their beloved granddaughter to force you into making a parenting decision that does not impact them in any way and is absolutely none of their business. Like 'whaaaat?!'
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 19
    Frankly I think you're a saint for handling it the way you have up until now because you've kept the peace. Rather than let it go, they've taken your peaceful response and just doubled down on their badgering, which is SO wrong - so disrespectful, so not their place, so irrational, so unnecessary, so biased. You aren't TA for finally
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 20
    speaking up on this or informing them of the exchange; otherwise you would have had to lie or lie by omission and that's really not better, and doing so would have left the door open for this to continue indefinitely. It needed to stop, and if they want to have a relationship with you and their granddaughter THEY need to stop.
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 21
    EDIT TO ADD: One minor thing you might have done differently and might still if it's not too late - put the earrings away for the future. You admitted your daughter didn't care about the gift and isn't looking for it, and putting them away would have been a way to show you recognize they are
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 22
    special and are saving them for when she wants to pierce her ears, IF she ever does. BUT it's a minor point because in my view it was important that you confront this issue head-on, that you don't want to be badgered anymore.
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 23
    Dear-Hovercraft3749 OP 16 hr. ago Knowing my stepmother, keeping the earrings is a bad idea. She talks about how "pretty she'd look with earrings" enough as it is. Having actual earrings around would just make things worse.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 24
    Also, if my daughter does decide to pierce her ears one day, I think she'd like to pick her own earrings.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 25
    supple_honey 18 hr. ago I would literally never leave them alone with her, they will pierce her ears in a heartbeat
    via u/supple_honey
  • 26
    Dear-Hovercraft3749 OP · 16 hr. ago They're never alone with her. My father still works and doesn't have enough free time to babysit. My stepmother has never been alone with a child for more than two hours (her words, not mine), so we wouldn't ask her to stay with our kids either.
    via u/Dear-Hovercraft3749
  • 27
    Misanthrope-is-ME · 18 hr. ago A ole Enthusiast [5] NTA OP, not at all. This is yours and your husband child and only you two have the right to make decisions for your children. If it was me, I would ask my father if he had let any other adults besides your mother make body/life altering decisions for their kids?!
    via u/Misanthrope-is-ME
  • 28
    How would he had felt and said if any family/friend kept trying to hassle him and your Mom about doing so?! While I am glad that your husband is 100% on your side, he should be asked: "What happens when they noticed upon next visit that daughter's ears aren't pierced?"
    via u/Misanthrope-is-ME
  • 29
    and "When they did, don't you think that it would cause them to act the same way then as they are acting now?". You were being honest about the gift and not hiding the truth and it is better to get the drama over sooner than later. Your Stepmother's gift was a roundabout way to try to force you and your husband to get your daughter's ears pierced.
    via u/Misanthrope-is-ME

Tags

just girly things girls club ask reddit entitled parents Female Empowerment reddit story feminism girls girlies feminine beauty subreddit beauty standards Reddit entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article